humour

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Last Updated: Thursday, 01 May 2025 05:14

Published: Wednesday, 23 March 2022 18:55

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You don't know shit:

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Idiots in classroom:

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one student rose to her feet.

"Now then young lady, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Relatives:

My father would have used one of his favorite jokes to explain the situation.

A husband and wife were driving down the countryside and came across a farm filled with pigs, donkeys and mules.

The husband pointed to them and said to his wife, “Your relatives.”

Without missing a beat, she said, “Yes. In-laws.”

 Forgiveness:

One Sunday in church, Pastor's sermon was about forgiveness. He asked everyone in the church to stand up. Then he asked those who had any enemies to sit down. Everyone sat down but one very old woman.

"You have no enemies at all?" asked Pastor.

"Not a single one," she answered, nodding her agreement.

"Please, come up here and tell everyone how you reached such a great age without having any enemies," said Pastor. A deacon accompanied the elderly woman to the pulpit and everyone in church applauded as she slowly made her way up the steps. Pastor adjusted the microphone.

"You must have done a lot of forgiving," said Pastor. "Please, tell us your secret."

The old lady smiled beatifically.

"I outlived the bitches," she said.